Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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