just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
