Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
