i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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