Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
