the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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