Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
