Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
