I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
