8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
