I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
