1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
