He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
