He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Panties = found
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