If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
