my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
