hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
do herpes really smell.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
