I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
