You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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