You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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