Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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