Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
