it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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