Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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