That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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