i don't like sucking hair
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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