After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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