All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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