Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
