OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
