Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
