Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
