just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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