Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fill condoms, not promises.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
