i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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