The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Someone signed my nipple.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
