Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
