My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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