I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Two words: nipple clamps
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