I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
