He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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