I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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