I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
