I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just had sex on a roof
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
