She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
