Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
