Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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