gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
