There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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