I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
