You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
