I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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