I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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