her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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