Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
