i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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