I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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