TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
