Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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