; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize