the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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