I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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