I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize