Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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