my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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